Being Adaptive

I once went to a training where an ex-firefighter turned marriage counselor told the story of post-911 rescue efforts. He was in a damaged building next to “the Pile” with his buddies, looking for survivors. They moved cautiously and strategically for fear that what remains of the building would collapse. They had to muster up the courage to keep going and push aside any feelings of vulnerability. It was only when they were back at the station could they commiserate about being incredibly scared that they might not make it back to their families.

He went on to explain that the most adaptive people he knows are those who have learned when to turn their emotions on and when to turn them off. It’s not functional to wall off your family at home because you’re still in work mode, and nor is it helpful to melt into a puddle at work.

This is not to say you can’t have a bad day at work, especially during a time like this. I’m not going there with you right now, not in this post. I am explaining how I’ve structured these exercises as a way to help you turn on and off your emotions, depending on where you are in your shift.

Statements to help prepare you for work, during work and after work

Below are statements that I’ve come up with to help ground you throughout the day. While I’m not in your line of work, I try to put myself in your shoes and walk around in them as I reflect on what statements could be helpful. If you can come up with better statements, or can ask your partner, your kids to give you a phrase to remember at work, please do. “Mom, I’m so proud of the work that you are doing!” is a good one. Remember that some statements may be more helpful at certain times than others. Statements like, “Daddy, I miss you! Come home to us!” may trigger more vulnerable feelings at the beginning of your shift than when you’re on your way home.

As you read the statements out loud to yourself with an emphasis on each of the bolded words, please let that statement sink in, time and again. The statement may feel differently to you, depending on where the emphasis is. They’re meant to help anchor you into the reality of the statement, to steady you, so please don’t be so quick to brush them aside. While they’ll not magically make you feel better in the moment, with practice, they can help you feel more present and centered. Reading them out loud and taking your time with them is the best way to practice this exercise but it’s also possible to do the emphasis quietly within. Read it together with a colleague, six feet apart, except for when you’re in the loo, of course. Or, read it by yourself.

Before your shift

The last day you worked is behind you. Whether that was just hours ago or a few days ago, it’s most helpful to focus on what’s ahead. While our mind might want to trick you into thinking that you’re still reliving a past experience, your body resets every time you wake up. Today is indeed a new day.

The past is behind me. Today is a new day.

The past is behind me. Today is a new day.

The past is behind me. Today is a new day.

The past is behind me. Today is a new day.

The past is behind me. Today is a new day.

The past is behind me. Today is a new day.

The past is behind me. Today is a new day.

The past is behind me. Today is a new day.

The past is behind me. Today is a new day.

During your bathroom break

You’re taking a breather but you don’t have a lot of time. Instead of scrolling through your phone while you’re on the can, read this statement instead:

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself.

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself.

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself.

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself.

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself.

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself.

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself.

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself.

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself.

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself.

I am taking care of others. This is me taking care of myself.

During your lunch break

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

I am doing the best that I can. That is all that I can do.

On your way home

You have carried the weight of the day on your shoulders; it’s now time to let go of that load. Up until now, you’ve needed to wall off your vulnerable emotions to stay sane and do your job well. It’s time to turn them back on. If that means you need to cry in the car, shake your body out (in no particular fashion), call up a good friend, pray to your higher power... do what you need to do. Then consider this last statement to prepare you to go home: